This time of year, I find a blizzard of ads on my doorstep and in my door, plastered all over the newspapers, and blasting from the television; I’m surprised I’m not dreaming about these specials in my sleep. Pre-Black Friday, Black Friday, Post-Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and on and on.
Although I am thoroughly sick of all this advertising, in the interest of becoming less hostile, I started to think about “things you would buy when you have bought everything already.” In this vein, I prepared a wish list of amenities for homeowners who would like to purchase a gift for that someone who has everything but could use a new shtick in his or her life.
Towel Warmer. An absolute must-have for every bathroom. Comes in 10 different colors with a thermostat to keep that towel at the perfect temperature. Includes rolling wheels so you do not have to reach too far.
Heated walkways and driveways. The ultimate for those who don’t want to clutter their garage with shovels and snow-blowers. All snow and ice melts as it hits the pavement. Of course, owners of this amenity get a special rate from LIPA.
Bathtub thermostat. Never again worry about the water cooling down before you are ready to leave the tub. Set the temperature and the tub maintains that water temperature until you have had enough.
Live-in appliance repairman and plumber. Never again find yourself with something not working when you least expect it.
Built-in generator. This is permanently attached to your gas line and kicks in automatically when the power goes out. Don’t forget to throw in earplugs for all the neighbors, since noise is an unfortunate side effect of this great convenience.
Remote control system for lights and appliances. This gem can be programmed remotely so you can have the whole house humming with activity for as many hours as you choose while you are away on vacation.
Electronic conveyer belt ringing the inside of the house from the driveway through the garage to the kitchen. Just think: all your Costco shopping unloaded in two minutes.
None of these items should be any less important than all the junk being offered for sale 24 hours a day right now, and the advertised prices are not really that great! I guess they feel that the more they yell and throw flyers at you the more they will hypnotize you into believing that you are really getting a deal. That lady in the store who pepper sprayed everyone near her so she could get the first Xbox will probably claim the advertising drove her insane. You would think they were giving away cash!
In the meantime, while all these bargains are being offered for sale, at the supermarket the food prices have all gone up without any fanfare. Once again, the emperor wears no clothes, but no one has taken notice! n
Anessa Cohen lives in Cedarhurst and is a licensed real-estate broker (Anessa V Cohen Realty) and a licensed N.Y.S. loan officer (FM Home Loans) with over 20 years of experience offering full-service residential, commercial, and management real-estate services as well as mortgage services. She can be reached at 516-569-5007 or via her website, www.AVCrealty.com. Readers are encouraged to send questions or comments to anessa@AVCrealty.com. Read more of Anessa Cohen’s articles at 5TJT.com.