Imagine It Snowed This Winter
If Andy Rooney were a Five Towns real estate broker and stuck in this fantasy no-snow snowstorm, what might he have said?
That each white hair on his head came...
Worries Going Viral
By now, most people are no longer worried about COVID. But there were many who were not concerned about it from the start. These were primarily young people because...
Armed And Dangerous
If you have boys, things will get broken. For example, in my house, I have this one wall in the kitchen that we’ve had to spackle three times: once...
It All Goes Downhill From Here
If you have boys, at some point they’re going to break some bones. I mean girls break their bones, too, but not really more than adults, I don’t think....
‘Spare’ Us The Drama
As a news junkie, I never like to miss a news broadcast. Politics is my main interest, but news is news and, since I want to be an informed...
Two Heads Are Better Than One
Welcome back to “How Should I Know?”—the advice column that used to run on a regular basis until, as a cost-cutting measure, it was decided that people do not...
Scaling Back
“Scaling a wall” is a familiar term, but unlike fictional superheroes, most people have never actually scaled a wall.
My scaling is restricted to the floor—specifically, the tile floor in...
2023 Predictions
This Week’s News Roundup (Satire)
By Rafi Metz
BREAKING: New York Renamed ‘New Yawk’ so Residents Will Actually Pronounce the State’s Name Correctly
New Yorkers are notorious for dropping the letter r...
You’re No Prize Yourself
I don’t know why dentists don’t give out their toys until right before you leave. They should give them out when you get there. That way, your kids have...
Doughnut Debacle
Surprises come in many forms. My most recent surprise happened on the last day of Chanukah. And what a shocker it was!
The cost of chicken and meat at holiday...