By Five Towns Marriage Initiative

The Tanchumah on this week’s parashah (Tetzaveh, 11) asks why Aharon and his sons were chosen to be kohanim. The Tanchumah then brings an explanation of how the creation of the Golden Calf came about after Chur was killed. It was apparent to Aharon from Chur’s murder that protesting would only lead to his own demise as well. At that point, Aharon threw the gold into the flames, and a Golden Calf emerged.

Aharon was concerned from this whole episode with the calf that Hashem was going to administer retribution for this act, even though Aharon had felt himself to be up against a wall in that situation. Therefore, Hashem gave Aharon the job of being the kohen, and this job would remain in his family forever. The intention was to give Aharon a vote of confidence, showing that Hashem understood why he acted as he did.

Sometimes it takes a vote of confidence from a spouse to make all the difference. Showing a spouse that we have confidence in them tells them we appreciate their effort and recognize their abilities. That vote of confidence can come from an unwavering approach of being by their side in a steady way. When a spouse goes through a rough time, we care for them and value them equally as when things go well. When they make mistakes, or act inappropriately, we can give them the message that although they’ve done wrong we will still be there for them, now and always. That vote of confidence can be the trigger to get the spouse back on their feet and help them to get on track. v

Five Towns Marriage Initiative provides educational programs, workshops, and referrals to top marriage therapists. FTMI will help offset counseling costs when necessary and also runs an anonymous shalom bayis hotline for the entire community Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday evenings, 10:00—11:00 p.m. For the hotline or for more information, call 516-430-5280 or e‑mail

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