A young man has fallen for a young woman who was not shomeret negiah her whole life, but now is. He is uncomfortable that she has been touched by other men and wonders if this distress will follow him into their marriage. Should he marry her? Can he get over his discomfort?

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3 COMMENTS

  1. If he loves her then it should not matter. In this day and age, it is a very nice concept to be shomrei negiyah but in reality it is very difficult especially in the modern orthodox communities. In fact, he might be happier with a young woman with some experience rather than a young woman who really has no idea what she’s doing.

  2. I think that people should not be so quick to judge others. There is a reason (or there are many reasons) that he has fallen in love with her. While she has a history of being non-shomer negiyah, we all have a history of something. We all have a history. And if he truly values her for who she is, I think it’s up to him to work this through and work past this challenge, with her. I think it’s also important to keep in mind that while our choices reflect who we are, they don’t make up all of who we are. But loving someone is loving all of that person. I think it’s rare that we feel a true connection with someone; it would be sad for a true connection to break because of the past. But they need to be understanding and accepting of each other. If they don’t have that, then this isn’t it.

  3. there are meany forms of “negiah” an innocent touch is not on the same level as full blown intercourse so if a girl or guy says they are not shomer it can mean a range.

    as with the comment about giyores, how can you be so frum to disregards non virgin’s or a girl who might have touched a boy and throw away the mitzvah to welcome converts SHAME ON YOU

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