GPS navigation systems have made our trips strikingly efficient. They guide us turn by turn, street by street, exit by exit. Just click “Calculate Route†and bam! You’re good to go.
But the purpose of a “trip†is not limited to getting from Point A to Point B. Sometimes, the scenery and obscurity of the voyage itself mark the very essence of a journey.
I used to think that there was some special book out there, tucked away in the Self-Help section of Barnes & Noble, that had all of the instructions for all of life’s encounters.
In my mind, you couldn’t just get married. You needed to first read every marriage book (including the entire “Mars and Venus†collection, in both digital and paperback forms), download every “marriage app,†talk to every marriage therapist, and meditate on the word: “marriage†for hours in solitude before ever considering the actual venture of an oh-so-holy matrimony.
And the prospect of having my own child? That would probably require a flawless memorization and recitation of the entire “What To Expect When You’re Expecting†series (including footnotes, endnotes, and appendixes I-IV).
Life, it seemed, came in a box. The box, however, came without an instruction manual. The instructions, I was sure, dangled out there—I just needed to locate their hallowed hideout amidst the digital aisles of Amazon or iBooks.
The elusive “answer†was waiting somewhere . . . over the rainbow, perhaps.
So I bought a lot of books. A lot of them. Some of us (Yours Truly included) are just suckers for tempting book covers laden with smiley faces, thumbs ups, and feel-good slogans. Their titles exclaim: Become Happy, Joyous, and Free: No Time or Effort Required!
The Time Tested, 2 Step Guide to An Everlasting Blissful Life!
Don’t get me wrong—some of the more thought-provoking reading, did, in fact, strike a deep chord in me. Their insight and creative expression have been stored in my consciousness as useful intellectual resources that come in handy when I’m offering counsel or trying to sound smart.
Most of my ever-so promising pickups, however, decorate my bookshelf, and have been doing so since their purchase date. The best books I’ve ever read have all taught me an invaluable lesson: Books are great pointers. But they are not The Way itself.
Life is its own story. We will never know what to expect from the unexpected. And that’s what makes it ours.
As Elie Wiesel said, “Of all the books in the world on ‘Life,’ I have no doubt that the life of one person outweighs them all.â€
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the anxiety of studying, that we end up missing the actual exams. Lately, I spend less time looking for new answers in Barnes & Noble, and focus more on getting comfortable with the inner questions. Because life’s greatest achievements stem not from an absence of confusion, but from its very confrontation.
I still cherish the Pointers, but I try not to miss out on The Way. The GPS has excellent guidance, but its scenery is hardly as nice as the real thing.
Enjoy the trip and, perhaps, every so often, consider taking the scenic route. After all, you only get one ride.
Doni Joszef, LMSW, has published numerous articles exploring psychosocial trends with a self-reflective twist. He practices psychotherapy and was clinically trained at Beck Institute and NYU, specializing on adolescence and young adulthood. Available by appointment. For more information, visit www.deficitofattention.com, call 516-316-2247, E-mail DJoszef@Gmail.Com, or message through Twitter @DoniJoszef.
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