The Very,
Very White Wedding

Dear Editor,

We would like to express our gratitude for the outpouring of love and support that the Five Towns community has shown us.

As we expected hordes of family and friends to descend on Lawrence for the wedding of our children Ahseph Joshua Weisz to Miriam Kandel Hershkop, we were met instead with a “bomb cyclone,” a blizzard that paralyzed the region. Our families are from out of town–the Hershkops from Toronto and the Weiszs from Huntington. The chassan and kallah both live in Eretz Yisrael.

We planned the wedding to be in the Five Towns so as to be in close proximity to airports and highways. Needless to say, flights were canceled and roads were closed. Our caterer, Rabbi Yair Hoffman, was dealing with canceled vendors, from photographer to videographer to chef, and a malfunctioning heating system. The band leader, Moshe Hamel, said we were still “on,” but we had no idea if we would have access to the venue, Congregation Beth Sholom, as the driveway and roads had not been plowed. As our phones lit up with cancellation after cancellation, we got a call from our florist, Floras Avenue in Huntington. Expecting them to tell us there was no way to get there from the North Shore, they said instead that they were 15 minutes away! We rushed out to the shul to make sure the building was open for them and, baruch Hashem, the custodian was there and a plow showed up to start clearing out the driveway.

In the meantime, Rabbi Hoffman had arranged for another photographer and was busy finding kitchen staff. As we were lending a hand to get everything set up, we started to wonder how many people would actually be able to show. By this time, half or more of our guests had canceled with apologies. One of our host families, Ned and Rita Schoenfeld, who moved to Woodmere only two weeks ago, suggested that they send an e-mail to their shul, Aish Kodesh, to try to fill up seats. Almost at the same time, Rabbi Hoffman asked if he should ask some of his students from TAG to come and dance with the kallah. We figured, “why not”? Maybe a few brave souls would actually brave the weather. Apparently, those e-mails went viral. What we did not know at the time was that Rabbi Hoffman also called in a network of local girls and young ladies to run the kitchen!

As it came time for kabbalas panim and the chassan’s tisch, we were happy to see a trickle of our invited guests who had miraculously made it against all odds. By the time we got to the badekin, the room began to fill with people who said they were from the community and had seen the e-mail. As we walked our children to the chuppah, we turned around to see that the entire sanctuary was filled, front to back and side to side! And as the dancing started in the main hall, we had so many people dancing that it dispelled the chill in the hall. In fact, we are glad it didn’t get hotter!

We want to express our utmost hakaras ha’tov to Rabbi Hoffman and his wonderful staff and talmidos, the incredible band, and our florist. We also want to thank Jay Graber for being our stand-in videographer and Ned Schoenfeld for backing up our substitute photographer, Yakov Krantz. We want to thank all of our guests who traveled from near and far. We want to thank (and apologize to) all those who tried but couldn’t be with us to celebrate the marriage of our children.

But most of all, we would like to thank those of you who came out from the local community to do this tremendous mitzvah!

Mi k’amcha Yisrael! The love and joy you shared with us has given us a lifetime of memories. All in all, it was a pretty amazing wedding and, wow, what an amazing Jewish community!

And of course, we would like to thank Hashem Yisbarach. As things were starting to look bleak, we told our children (and ourselves) not to despair. Hashem knows what is best and will make sure that you get the wedding that is meant for you.

Thank you all again for being a part of Hashem’s master plan.

With our utmost gratitude,

The parents of the chassan and kallah,

Daniel and Michele Weisz

Dr. Sheldon and Alyssa Hershkop


Fixing The Shidduch System

Dear Editor,

It is highly doubtful that the right-leaning segment of the Orthodox community will ever accept a suggestion such as what Larry Gordon talked about in his article (“Love, Marriage, and Divorce,” January 12). Singles events where the singles intermingle with one another do not have much a chance of ever gaining any serious traction.

I would like to suggest an alternative idea. The shidduch system as we currently have it abides by a set of rules that are quite strict and thus restrictive. These strict rules are more a matter of social norms than a religious nature, and are thus, in my opinion, more likely to be subject to change. Many self-imposed hurdles prevent a single from going on a date until a plethora of items are ticked off the list.

The three changes I would like to suggest are:

  1. Every individual should consider himself or herself to be a potential shadchan. Not in the formal sense, but in the sense that you too can and should feel that you have the ability to make a shidduch suggestion. If an idea comes to mind–even if only fleetingly–for someone you know, be it a relative, friend, neighbor, or someone you met only once, go ahead and pick up the phone and mention it to them.
  2. The singles and their parents (primarily the latter) should be willing to hear such suggestions. That may require doing away with much of the formalities of the beirurim process, or, to put it more bluntly, be willing to let your daughter go out with the boy even if you have not yet confirmed that he is the up-and-coming gadol ha’dor and that his family bears the culture and refinement of Queen Elizabeth. But if you truly want to see your daughter going out on more dates, it may just be worth it.
  3. Girls should be willing to go out on a date without “going all out.” Many girls complain about how the shidduch process can be so draining in no small measure due to the enormous amount of time that they have to spend preparing for the date. Cut it down to the bare minimum, be willing to date more casually, and chances are (assuming suggestions 1 and 2 are also implemented) that this will lead to a lot more dates, and, hopefully, a lot more engagements and marriages.

Rabbi Yehoshua Berman

Lamdenu

 

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here