The Afterlife

Every soul that comes down to this world joins a group of souls who were a part of his life in previous incarnations. That is to say that family members, friends, acquaintances, certain animals, and plant life all come back around the same time together in each subsequent incarnation. Just when you thought you could rid yourself of a certain unsympathetic individual, there he is again. The roles that each previously played could conceivably change somewhat in the current life, but overall, those in the periphery will remain in the background. One of the reasons for moving along together in these “clusters” is the assistance we receive from our peer group based on the particular spiritual level we have attained. It is possible to “move up a category,” and hence certain elements from our surroundings will follow suit.
I once heard a professor of psychology say in an undergraduate lecture that anything and everything we say or do in the course of a day is a reflection of our unique personality. Nothing happens by mere chance—it is all by design.
When we think about the things that we witness on a daily basis, and internalize the fact that they are all meant to be a learning experience, then we are less likely to resist. In his research, hypnotherapist Michael Newton’s patients gave accounts of their afterlife experiences via hypnotic regression, and all testified that two of the most important objectives of our lives here on Earth center on knowledge and love. Everything we do must have these two prominent elements in them; otherwise we are likely to miss out on accomplishing the kind of growth for which our soul naturally yearns.
The above includes both reward and punishment. If we stratify and analyze the ups and downs, we could then summarize that we either have more minuses or more pluses in our lives. Others view this differently and claim that this world is to teach us hard lessons and hence we suffer here, whereas the true reward for our corrective actions will only be realized in the next world. This is backed up by the well-documented discussions of the righteous having it bad and the wicked having it good. Regarding the latter, Hashem gives the wicked all of their deserving reward in this world, so that He doesn’t have to even face them (the wicked) in the next world.
Is there a direct connection between our actions and what happens to us?
When I was an 11-year-old playing little league baseball in Brooklyn, I distinctly remember one particular game that found our team short two players. Rather than forfeit the game, the coach from the other team offered to give us two extra players that they had. One of the players was a boy who had some sort of disability which made it extremely difficult for him to run normally. He awkwardly hopped along chasing balls in the outfield, and from the looks of him in practice, he was clearly not going to be an asset to their team.
When I realized that this particular kid was designated to come over to our side for the game, I shouted (without shame) “Him? He’s a piece of garbage!”
Both coaches immediately took me aside and gave me a tongue-lashing. It didn’t sink in, though. I was visibly upset for the remainder of the afternoon. We also lost the game, because his own teammates took advantage and purposely hit the ball to left field, where he was playing. My blood was boiling.
It wasn’t until many years later, when one of our own children had developmental disabilities, that it occurred to me to make a connection between our current challenge in parenting such a special child and the horrible attitude I mercilessly directed at that “crippled” boy on that dark day in little league years ago. I resolved to make amends by apologizing to him directly, but alas, being some 40 years later, I couldn’t track him down.
Did that incident when I was 11 lead to having a similar child of my own? Was the lesson not learned when I was younger, and therefore had to be learned as an adult? Does this fall into the category of becoming wiser in my knowledge base and in my love for my fellow man?
Some close friends told me not to beat myself up over it. After all, what does an 11-year-old know? Why should that incident dictate a large chunk of how I conduct my life as an adult? There ought to be no connection. It is not a punishment. After all, each neshamah that comes down to this world chooses his parents—so that is a privilege, not a punishment.
Examples like this abound in our day-to-day lives. Some more dramatic, some less so. We are continuously given cues to perceive certain messages for our own good. If we don’t “get it” the first time around, other circumstances present themselves in order to get it on the next chance.
When we listen to a eulogy, we strive to learn something from how the deceased conducted his life. Perhaps there is something we can add to our persona that will help us reach our next level of tikkun and spirituality. One need not wait until someone dies to be shocked into an adjustment mode. Paying attention to the everyday stuff that we live and breathe should be the model and formula for our personal growth and well-being. If you believe that nothing happens by chance and that we all have a destiny, then it is truly incumbent upon each of us to become perpetual students of life itself.
Dr. Bernie Kastner is a psychotherapist in private practice with offices in Jerusalem and Ramat Bet Shemesh. He is also the author of “Understanding the Afterlife in

This Life” and “Masa El Haor.” Feel free to visit his website at drbkastner.com. He can be reached
at bdk15@caa.columbia.edu.