 
Change Of Schedule
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By Phyllis J. Lubin
Published on Thursday, November 05, 2009 -
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No more bowling, at least for me. Yosef and I are back to our usual schedule, with a few minor adjustments. In the past, Monday nights were spent splitting my time between Cross Island Fruit Store and the various other supermarkets in the Malverne area, while Yussie spent his evenings bowling with the Anchor program at the Malverne Bowling Alley.
At first I would stay with Yussie at the bowling alley, but then I noticed that I was too much of a distraction for him. So, with the confidence that he was being “shadowed,” I would wander around the area while he was being “stimulated.” I could never be more than a few minutes away, on call, so that when Yussie had “had enough” of bowling I would be there to pick him up.
It wasn’t a very relaxing evening for me, especially since I usually had Lea in tow. Lea would arrive home from school at 4:05, and bowling began at 4:30. So, when I couldn’t arrange other coverage, she would wander around the streets of Malverne with me, complaining that she didn’t get to bowl. And when we would return home at night, we would first have to begin her homework.
Last week—for the first bowling session of the season—I arranged for Reuven, Yussie’s newest “assistant” courtesy of Bais Ezra, to accompany him for bowling. It was a wonderful arrangement for all. Reuven would be less of a distraction for Yussie at bowling and, as a bonus, he would be there to keep Yussie “stimulated” for a longer period of time, while being on hand when Yussie had enough. I explained to Lea that from now on, Monday evenings would be “Lea night.” Right off the bus, I would take her to her favorite library to do homework. Then we would go out for dinner together (salad or pizza; we planned on rotating).
As many of you parents know, it is difficult to devote time to one child. And when you are a parent of a “special needs” child, it is even more difficult. The special child seems to get the most attention. In our family, it is Lea, more than the others, that has torn feelings about this. The older children are more understanding, and they usually arrive home later in the evening and do not feel as left out.
Yosef is 9 and Lea is 7. Although younger than Yussie, she understands that she is more advanced than he in most areas. And yet it bothers her when I help Yussie get dressed and expect her to be more self-sufficient. It annoys her that Yussie gets “easy” homework, while she struggles with hers. Finally, it angers her that Yussie gets outsiders to play with him and take him to fun places like pizza and bowling.
It’s Monday evening and Lea and I are spread out in the children’s area at the Hewlett-Woodmere Public Library. It is relatively quiet, with fewer distractions than at home, and Lea is able to concentrate on her homework while I ponder my “musings.”
I have practically grown up in this library. Well, maybe not these exact surroundings; the library was rebuilt about ten years ago, and I’m proud to report that my dad was one of the people instrumental in bringing this lovely edifice to fruition.
My mother, an English teacher, would take my brother and me on weekly trips to the library to replenish our supply of reading material for the week. I can still visualize the water fountain next to the long lines at the book checkout area that we used to encounter on our visits on busy Sunday afternoons. Alas, these days my kids are too busy to go to the library, and most of their reading material is courtesy of the computer or Amazon.com.
But to me there is still nothing more exciting than wandering the aisles of the library and looking at all the interesting book jackets. Please keep in mind that although I enjoy the value of a good book, I never have the time (or the memory) to devote to returning the book to the library on time. To save on overdue penalties, I usually purchase my books from the library (at $1 a book, it’s a bargain), and then I have more time to read them.
“Mommy, I need help!” Lea whispers.
“Hmmm, I’m not sure I understand this homework,” I admit. It is math homework. I remember when I was young and my parents would complain about the “new math.” Well, here I am in the driver’s seat and I don’t get it. “How many vertices does a cube have?” Is there even such a thing as a “vertice”?
“Did you learn this, Lea? Where is the textbook?”
“I guess we learned it . . . I don’t have a textbook.”
It seems that we have gone a new way with this new math: no textbook! How can I learn this new math without a book? I guess I’ll have to check the Internet . . .
“I think we should put a big question mark on the sheet, and I’ll write a note to the teacher that we don’t understand this part of the homework.”
This seems to satisfy Lea. She does not feel perturbed that I don’t understand the math; she is just happy that she doesn’t have to complete the sheet!
Putting words into alphabetical order is next: that, both she and I understand. As Lea completes the rest of her English and Hebrew homework (with me on duty for assistance), we prepare to leave for our dinner out.
“Q.Cumbers or Pizza Pious, Lea?”
“Let’s go to Pizza Pious. I never finish those salads [at Q.Cucumbers].”
“But I don’t eat pizza now, Lea. Remember, I’m on Weight Watchers.” Yes, I know you can eat “anything” on Weight Watchers, but not me! If I eat the pizza I will feel that I’m doing something sacrilegious! Salad, with tons of “fat free” salad dressing, somehow seems more kosher.
“But I will waste the salad,” Lea points out.
Pizza it is.
I compromised and had a few zeppole (afterward, Rochel pointed out that the zeppole probably had more calories than a slice of pizza—go know!) while Lea ate her pizza. I was in such a benevolent mood that I even purchased the “taco ice cream” that I never splurge on, and Lea ate her whole dessert!
I hope Yussie doesn’t mind the Monday-night change of schedule. I know that Lea is happy with it!
Phyllis Joy Lubin is an attorney with Rosenfeld & Maidenbaum, LLP, who resides in Cedarhurst with her husband Leonard and six children: Naftali, Shoshana, Rivka, Rochel, Yosef, and Lea. She welcomes your questions and comments at MothersMusings@gmail.com. ♦
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