In an effort to downsize the tons of paperwork I have somehow accumulated and to be more efficient, this week I decided it was finally time to go through box-loads of clippings I have held on to through the years.
While doing this I came across this article written by Rick Moranis called “Counting Is All I Have Left,” which stays in my “favorites” box. I believe he wrote it after a storm while he was taking inventory in his house. I thought I would share it because it is so adorable. Can you tell which numbers and comments are mine?
- I have five television sets (I like to think of them as a set of five televisions).
- I have four cable boxes, two DVRs, and four DVD players. I have two VHS machines and four stereos. I have 19 remote controls, mostly in one drawer. I have 560 DVDs and VHS cassettes but usually only watch my daughters’ wedding videos.
- I have five computers, four printers, one multi-use machine, and two non-working fax machines. I have three phone lines, four cellphones, and two answering machines. I have no messages.
- I have 46 cookbooks and I still do takeout. I have 68 takeout menus from our kosher restaurants. I have 116 soy sauce packets and 99 sets of chopsticks.
- I have 382 dishes, plates, bowls, cups, saucers, mugs, etc., and I’m still serving on paper plates. I have five sinks — two with a view — and I do try to keep a positive view.
- I have two refrigerators and three freezers, and they were not enough for this storm. It is very hard to count ice cubes. There are 156 magnets on my refrigerator door, which is why we are constantly gravitating to the refrigerator.
- I have 52 first class stamps, 10 airmail stamps, and two aerogrammes, but no 2-cent stamps.
- I have 59 pairs of dress shoes, five pairs of sneakers, and four pairs of boots. I am wearing slippers.
- I have 145,000 frequent flyer miles on six airlines, three of which no longer exist.
- I have 101 Dalmatians on tape. My granddaughter watched Annie seven times in a row.
- I have 14 digital clocks all flashing relatively similar times. I have already received 123 automated calls from Cablevision asking me if my service has turned itself back on. I have pressed “2” for “no” 246 times.
- I have four trees that fell on my block; two fell on the neighbors’ cars. The tree that I hate in front of my house is still standing.
- I have 22 minutes to listen to the news. I have nine armchairs from which I can be critical. I have one Blackberry powered by Verizon which keeps me sane and connected to the outside world. I have 120 friends on Facebook. My daughter has 816 friends.
- I have a laundry list of things I need to clean. I am missing 37 umbrellas. I have 14 coats in my front closet; none of them fit me.
- I have 543 pieces of Lego and six kid bumper cars. My grandchildren only play with my pots and pans. I have 14 jigsaw puzzles and 2,042 jigsaw puzzle pieces; three pieces are missing.
- I have three daughters, 10 grandchildren, 24 aunts and uncles, 70 first cousins, and 108 second cousins. Right now, I have lots of time on my hands, but I have seven kids and 12 adults coming for Pesach.
I need a drink, so I think I will go and count the bottles of wine for Pesach in my liquor cabinet.
Anessa Cohen lives in Cedarhurst and is a licensed real-estate broker (Anessa V Cohen Realty) and a licensed N.Y.S. loan officer (FM Home Loans) with over 20 years of experience offering full-service residential, commercial, and management real-estate services as well as mortgage services. She can be reached at 516-569-5007 or via her website, www.AVCrealty.com. Readers are encouraged to send questions or comments to anessa@AVCrealty.com.