Real Estate with Anessa Cohen

As Purim approaches, writing a serious article seemed out of place for this column, so here are a couple of mini-spiels (sources unknown) I have saved over the years.
Editorial From The Housing Minister Of Israel
It often amuses me to hear people describe the housing problem in Israel as a “recent development.” Housing problems have been a tradition in Judaism throughout the ages.
As far back as the dawn of man, Adam and Eve lost their lease on a very choice piece of property. From then on the curse of housing problems has accompanied us. Since the early days of ancient Hebrews, when our ancestors were forced to live in sukkot while wandering through the desert, housing problems have been part-and-parcel of Israeli life.

Even when Hashem spoke of His love for the Jewish people, and His desire to be with them, it was not without a stipulation. Hashem’s wishes were clearly stated “and you should build me a house that I may dwell among them.” Our sages were puzzled by this request, as it is a well-known fact that Hashem was entitled to both rental assistance and a housing loan through Misrad Haklitah (Ministry of Absorption). Nevertheless, this point is answered quite astutely by someone by reminding us that (1) He is “single”; (2) He wanted to live in Jerusalem.

David, mighty king of Israel (and always one to seize a good opportunity), heard of Hashem’s new housing project and got all excited. Upon hearing that the project would not go up until the time of his son Shlomo, David became depressed and took another wife.
This problem was passed on from biblical times all through our generations. Even with all our problems, we still won’t settle for less. Wasn’t Herzl almost lynched because he couldn’t get good housing in the Holy Land and opted for cheap co-ops in Uganda, which even then was a miserable neighborhood?

Today, as more Jews leave their condos of the west and flee oppression from anti-Semitic lands, the housing problem is worse than ever before. But you can rest assured that we at the Ministry of Housing are working even harder than our forefathers to solve the problem; with our plans for Israeli branches of Trump and Lefrak and Mitchell Lama housing, we will be ready for the great influx when the Mashiach (b’meheirah b’yameinu) arrives.

Yeshiva Boy Nearly Suffocates In Polyester Suit
Fifteen-year-old Sholom Azel of Williamsburg was hospitalized last night for near-suffocation after wearing his weekday polyester suit for three consecutive days. Azel began to feel stiffness around the shoulders and neckline. He attributed that to a pull in the material caused by swaying during davening, friends say.

That the cause was more serious became clear when Azel recited Shemoneh Esrei. As he bent his knees in prayer, his body jerked forward and his arms froze in outstretched supplication. Azel remained in that position until after Ma’ariv that evening, when friends realized something was wrong.

Azel’s condition is described as fanatic.

Happy Purim, everyone! 

Anessa Cohen lives in Cedarhurst and is a licensed real-estate broker (Anessa V Cohen Realty) and a licensed N.Y.S. loan officer (FM Home Loans) with over 20 years of experience offering full-service residential, commercial, and management real-estate services as well as mortgage services. She can be reached at 516-569-5007 or via her website, Readers are encouraged to send questions or comments to Read more of Anessa Cohen’s articles.


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