By Anessa V. Cohen
– My buyer told me that he has lived in the same house for 10 years. When I checked, I found out he’d still be there today if the governor hadn’t pardoned him.
– OMG! The co-op board just notified me that the nail polish I am wearing is not an approved color and if I want to continue living here, I will have to change it.
– When I asked my seller why they set up the dining room at the entrance by the front door, they replied, “So my relatives won’t have to waste any time.”
– To the question “Where does my property line end?” the answer is, “Just watch where your neighbor cuts the grass.”
– The broker said to the house hunter, “Yes, the kitchen is a bit small, but with working to pay off a mortgage like this, you won’t have time for much cooking anyway.”
– Realtor sign: We have “lots” to be thankful for.
– I recently listed a maintenance-free house–in the last 25 years, there hadn’t been any maintenance.
– This country is great. It’s the only place where you can borrow money for a down payment, get a first and second mortgage, and call yourself a homeowner.
– They have an all-electric home. Everything in it has been charged.
– “I found happiness in my own backyard, but my neighbor claims it is on his side of the property line.”
– A meshulach comes knocking on a door and, when the owner of the house answers, the meshulach greets him, “Shalom Aleichem, Mr. Goldstein. I’m collecting for the Lotsa Gelt Yeshivah, and I’m wondering, as a nice Jewish person, wouldn’t you want to make a little donation?”
The homeowner replies, “The name is Gold, not Goldstein, and I am not Jewish.”
“Are you sure?” asks the meshulach.
“Sir, I’m positive,” replies the homeowner.
“But” says the meshulach, “It says here that you’re Jewish, and my records are never wrong.”
“For the last time, sir, I am not Jewish, my father is not Jewish, and my grandfather, alav ha’shalom, wasn’t Jewish either!”
– A woman walks into the post office looking to buy some pretty stamps for Chanukah. After showing the desk clerk which stamps she wants to purchase, the desk clerk asks her, “In what denominations do you want them?” The woman looks at him in shock and answers, “Wow, has it come to this? Okay, whatever. Give me 50 Orthodox, 30 Conservative, and 3 Reform!”
As you all can see, today, with the first snow of the year, was “Be a little corny day,” so all of you can share and be a little corny together with me! v
Anessa Cohen lives in Cedarhurst and is a licensed real-estate broker (Anessa V. Cohen Realty) and a licensed N.Y.S. mortgage originator (First Meridian Mortgage) with over 20 years of experience, offering residential, commercial, and management real-estate services as well as mortgage services. You are invited to visit her website, www.avcrealty.com. She can be reached at 516-569-5007 or readers are encouraged to send questions or comments to anessa.cohen@AVCrealty.com.