Advice From YidParenting

By Rabbi Yitzie Ross

It was a little over a year ago when YidParenting began as an e‑mail series. Originally meant for a small group of parents, it has, baruch Hashem, blossomed into an article read by many people weekly. However, over the past few months, I’ve noticed a certain disturbing trend that I would like to address.

There are many types of Jews. Some men wear a gartel when they daven; some don’t even wear a hat. Some women wear a sheitel, some a tichel, and some don’t cover their hair at all. Nonetheless, they’re all Jews.

Sometimes we need to take a step back and understand that we’re all on the same team. You might be wondering why I’m bringing this up. Allow me to explain. About three months ago, I began receiving e‑mails that bothered me. Here’s a sample of a few of them:

“I am greatly confused about your shul article. Who cares if the kids go to shul? Half of the adults don’t daven. This is a nonissue. People need to chill out a bit; being overly religious becomes fanatical.”

“I can’t believe you’re advocating kids having smartphones. They are tools of the yetzer ha’ra! I’m quite disgusted!”

“Please write an article about girls dressing more tzniusdik in the street. It’s really horrible!”

“I’m writing regarding your article about music. Do you think it’s a bad thing for kids to listen to non-Jewish music? What’s the problem with it? What’s next–wearing a shtreimel?”

My Bubby, a’h, used to tell me, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all!” If other Jews are not 100% like you, does that make them wrong? Aren’t we supposed to be understanding? I have seen gedolei Yisrael talking to Jews who were not religious. They didn’t seem to be judging them. Does sending your son to a particular yeshiva make him a better Jew?

On the flip side, if there is a Jew who wants his son to wear a black hat, why does it bother you? I was flabbergasted when I got a call last week from a friend who told me, “Frummies are taking over the Five Towns!”

“How does this relate to parenting?” you might ask. It’s pretty simple. Good parents don’t judge other people; they teach their children to be tolerant of others, and they lead by example. Making a comment, or even rolling your eyes when someone is different from you, is a horrible idea.

Let’s work together, in unity, to bring Mashiach. Being understanding of others is a great starting point–and smart parenting.

Rabbi Yitzie Ross is a well-known rebbe and parenting adviser. To sign up for the weekly e‑mails and read the comments, you can visit www.yidparenting.com.

 

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