I have written here for the past few weeks, and I’ve been hearing that my column is gaining some traction. So, I think it’s time for me to introduce myself and share a bit about who I am. When you’re entrusting someone with a significant part of your life—especially when kids are involved—you want to ensure that this person is the right fit for you.
Throughout most of my life, people have come to me to share their stories. Whether it was a cab driver, a neighbor, or a stranger at the coffee shop, it seemed everyone found comfort in spilling their life tales. I’ve heard everything from the mundane to the profoundly moving. I often joke that if I had a dollar for every story I’ve heard, I’d have enough to retire early—though I’d probably still hang around for the coffee.
This natural inclination led me to become a therapist, a role that felt tailor-made for me. In graduate school, I stumbled upon The Gottman Method—which resonated deeply. It’s all about problem-solving, focusing on the issues that couples face rather than diving into the past. The beauty of it lies in its practicality: “What can we do right now to make things better?” It was this hands-on approach that I adored; many couples just want relief from their problems and don’t want to be stuck in therapy for years. After all, who has the time?
I poured my heart and soul into each client, often making myself available around the clock. But as many caregivers know, such dedication can lead to burnout. As the emotional demands piled up and my family responsibilities loomed large, I found myself struggling to be fully present for my clients. It was a wake-up call. I took a step back, hired a career coach, and briefly dipped my toes into the world of HR, hoping to apply my skills in a corporate environment. However, I quickly realized that HR was more about paperwork and policies than people.
This journey ultimately led me to divorce mediation, a path that allows me to help individuals navigate the often painful process of separation. Divorce has become an unfortunate reality for many, and I felt compelled to support people during this challenging time.
{Common Questions About Mediation
I frequently encounter some key questions that can help clarify my role and how it differs from that of a lawyer:
Do you have to be a lawyer to be a mediator? No, you don’t need to be a lawyer to be a mediator! Mediation is a specialized process focused on facilitating communication and negotiation between parties. Many successful mediators come from diverse backgrounds, including psychology and social work—just like me. My experience as a therapist has equipped me with vital skills in empathy and conflict resolution that are essential in mediation.
What’s the difference between a mediator and a lawyer? Ah, the age-old question! A lawyer is an advocate for one side in legal matters, while a mediator serves as a neutral facilitator for both parties. Think of me as the referee in a game—my goal is to help everyone play fair and work together toward a resolution. Mediation encourages collaboration, whereas lawyers often engage in more adversarial tactics. It’s kind of like trying to negotiate peace between two toddlers over the last cookie—sometimes you need a neutral party!
How much cheaper are you than a lawyer? Mediation is often significantly more cost-effective than hiring a lawyer. While attorney fees can skyrocket, mediation typically involves a flat fee or hourly rate that is generally lower. This means you can save money while still receiving quality support during a challenging time. Plus, you won’t have to take out a second mortgage just to talk about your feelings.
Why would I go with you instead of a lawyer? Choosing mediation with me comes with several advantages. My therapeutic background allows me to address not just the legal issues but also the emotional dynamics at play. I create a safe space for open dialogue, enabling both parties to express their needs and concerns.
Additionally, mediation often leads to quicker resolutions than litigation, which can drag on for months or years. This saves you not just money but also stress during an already challenging time.
Lastly, mediation empowers you to be part of the decision-making process. Instead of a judge dictating the terms, you and your partner can collaboratively develop agreements that work for both of you and your children. It’s about creating a win-win situation.
Now, I’ll admit—there are moments when I toy with the idea of going to law school. Not because it’s necessary for my work as a mediator, but to bolster my credibility in the eyes of clients. I can’t help but think that having that title might allow me to be taken more seriously. But here’s the truth: my experience as a therapist, combined with my dedication to helping people navigate their conflicts, is what truly matters.
{Why Mediation?
Let’s dive a little deeper into why mediation can be a more effective choice for many families. Imagine a couple facing the daunting task of divorce. Instead of the traditional route, which can be fraught with tension and adversarial negotiations, they opt for mediation. They sit down in a calm, neutral environment with me as their mediator. Here, they can talk openly about their concerns, hopes, and needs.
The goal isn’t just to separate assets but to ensure that their children are prioritized throughout the process. In mediation, we work together to create solutions that respect everyone’s needs, paving the way for a more amicable relationship post-divorce. This collaborative approach can be healing, turning what often feels like an end into a new beginning. It’s like getting a fresh start—without having to change your address!
As I continue to write and share my experiences with you, I hope to provide valuable insights into the mediation process and the importance of choosing the right mediator for your needs. Thank you for allowing me to introduce myself—I look forward to accompanying you on this journey. Let’s explore how we can find resolution and understanding together, one step at a time.
If you’re considering mediation or have questions about the process, don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m here to help you navigate this often overwhelming landscape with compassion and care. After all, life’s challenges are easier to face when we have the right support by our side. n
Tamara Gestetner is a professional mediator who specializes in divorce, and a psychotherapist located in Cedarhurst. Tamara works with couples in need of mediation as well as couples in need of counseling. Tamara can be reached at tamaragestetner@gmail.com or 646-239-5686.
