Musings Of A Shliach From Montana
When these holy days are upon us, I’m immediately brought back to my childhood in Crown Heights, when I had the merit to daven the Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur tefillos just a few benches behind the Rebbe, zt’l’s platform at 770 Eastern Parkway.
It was considered a great honor to sit so close and with such great visibility. My father paid a hefty sum in those days to get those prime seats. Watching the Rebbe daven, listening to him blowing the shofar and singing the melodious Chabad niggunim, seeing how he ended Yom Kippur with the famed Napoleon March that rocked our souls, infusing the Yom Kippur victory in our hearts that indeed it would be a sweet new year, remains etched in my memory and imprinted in my heart forever. It’s really hard to describe how elevating it was, even as a young boy, and how much those memories infuse me with ruchniyus even today, as I seek to bring that vitality to our Montana community.
There are so many songs and even the traditional Nusach prayer tunes that enliven me. Each year, when I reach out to my Lubavitch contacts to find a chazzan that will come out to Bozeman for yom tov, I always say the same thing: “I don’t need a Pavarotti; I need someone who knows our Nusach so I can be taken back to 770.” Just the “Hamelech,” the “Mesod Chachamim Unevonim”, the “Simcha l’Artzecha,” the “Mechalkel Chaim,” and so forth can uplift me tremendously. I think of Avinu Malkeinu, the niggun composed by the Alter Rebbe, beginning with the opening melody followed by a pouring out of our hearts as we open the Aron Kodesh, the Holy Ark, and say: “Ain Lanu Melech Ela Ata” or “We have no King but You, dear Father in Heaven.”
I feel really close to Hashem on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. I’ve always felt this way. I feel like He’s listening, watching, and seeking to bless us and give us a good verdict in Shamayim. It’s this fuzzy feeling of love, awe, and forgiveness from Him, with me wanting to do better. He’s my King and also my Father. It’s all combined into this warm, close, loving relationship filled with mixed emotions, but ultimately feeling that he is telling me everything’s going to be alright.
I often think of a tale the Rebbe used to tell us. It was about a King’s son who needed to be sent away from the palace due to his unbecoming behavior. The King wants the prince to learn life lessons in the “school of hard knocks.” So, the prince goes away but stays away for a very long time, forgetting his language and customs, forgetting his background. One day he remembers that he’s a prince and heads back to the palace to reclaim his rightful place. But when he arrives at the palace, the guards don’t recognize him, he cannot speak their language, and he looks like a disheveled pauper. Exasperated, he screams at the top of his lungs, “Abba, Abba, Hatzileini! Abba, Abba, Rachmeni!” “Father, Father, save me! Father, Father, have mercy on me!” The King hears the voice. He knows his son’s voice and runs down to let him in until they are at last reunited.
Jewish history is filled with reasons why Jews shouldn’t come to shul. G-d made ignoring shul, skipping Yom Kippur, and going to a Broadway show on Rosh Hashana, easy. The world is full of temptations, narishkeit, and secularism on steroids. Jews are struggling for survival. Our kids have easy access to non-Jewish entertainment and other narishkeiten whether we like it or not. We hope and pray they will come to shul and feel the holiness, feel the closeness, and connect with the Divine. And miraculously, year after year, they show up again and again, still seeking that same warm and fuzzy feeling that I felt as a young child. They want it too. It warms their soul as it warms mine. And Hashem is waiting at the palace because he hears the voices of His children calling out to him and a father can never resist His own child.
After October 7th, Rabbi Manis Friedman shared insights into Yehuda Becher, alav hashalom, who recorded himself en route to the Nova Music Festival singing “Elokai Neshama” with a smile that could melt your heart. Rabbi Friedman points out that he’s not wearing a yarmulke or tzitzis, yet he’s singing with pure heart and soul: “Hashem, the soul you placed in me is holy…” In that heartbreaking video, you clearly see Yehuda’s “chelek Elokai mima’al,” his G-dly spark. This holy Jew who was heading to a music festival on yom tov was still so in tune with his soul, his essence, proclaiming, “As long as my soul is within me, I will acknowledge You.” And just a few hours later, he was murdered. This Jew who had been raised with no connection to Yiddishkeit still felt a longing for Hashem and we must remember that Hashem is always ready to embrace us with love despite our many mistakes.
There is also the comforting feeling of letting go of all our resistance and giving ourselves over to the King in His palace, letting Him take care of us. One of my favorite Yom Kippur melodies is “Ki Hinei Kachomer.” Written by an anonymous sage in the 12th century, it is based on the prophetic words of Yirmiyahu (Jeremiah) and Yeshayahu (Isaiah). I grew up singing its lyrics to a heartfelt tune composed by Reb Sholom Charitonov of Nikolaev, Ukraine and still do. Each year, while standing before our holy Bozeman congregation, my heart swells and my soul soars when singing this song. It uplifts me for the rest of Yom Kippur. It reminds me that although it is a serious day and we must repent for our sins and return to our Father in Heaven, we are blessed to be so close to Him. He yearns for us as much as we yearn for Him. He loves us more than we can ever love Him. He does not seek to punish us for our mistakes, He just hopes that we come around and return to His palace as the beloved children we are.
Here are some of the verses:
Behold as the clay in the hand of the potter, who expands and contracts it at will, so are we in Your hand, O G-d of love, look to the covenant, overlook our sin.
Behold as the stone in the hand of the mason, who hews and fragments it at will, so are we in Your hand, O G-d of life; look to the covenant, overlook our sin.
Behold as iron in the hand of the blacksmith, who hammers and shapes it at will, so are we in Your hand, O G-d Who sustains the poor; look to the covenant, overlook our sin.
Behold as the anchor in the hand of the sailor, who weighs and casts it at will, so are we in Your hand, O good and forgiving G-d; look to the covenant, overlook our sin.
Behold as glass in the hand of the glazier, who shapes or melts it at will, so are we in Your hand, O gracious G-d; look to the covenant, overlook our sin.
Behold as cloth in the hand of the weaver, who drapes or twists it at will, so are we in Your hand, O gracious G-d; look to the covenant, overlook our sin.
Behold as silver in the hand of the silversmith, who alloys or refines it at will, so are we in Your hand, O healing G-d; look to the covenant, overlook our sin.
He’s in charge of it all, so we might as well just let go and allow Him to do His thing.
Hashem judges us, He has expectations of us, but more than anything, Hashem loves us deeply and wants us to be close to Him. We, in turn, remind Him to “Look to the covenant, overlook our sin.” A Gut Gebentsht Yor. Wishing you all a good and blessed year! n
Rabbi Chaim Bruk is co-CEO of Chabad Lubavitch of Montana and spiritual leader of The Shul of Bozeman. For comments or to partner in our holy work, e-mail rabbi@jewishmontana.com or visit JewishMontana.com/Donate.
